Hey blog! Long time no see, lol. It's currently 2:30 in the morning on Sunday March 29, 2026, and I literally just broke down in tears, and not for the usual reason. It's not uncommon for me to have breakdowns, and during high school they were quite frequent. However, this breakdown was a good one. Lately, I've just been overcome with gratitude and appreciation. I've been more accepting of things and taking things as signs of what is meant for me right now and what isn't. I'm not perfect, and no journey is linear, but there definitely has been some exponential growth. I'm so proud of the person I'm becoming and the person I am. The person that I am working towards and the person I strive to be. I've always been a christian, but it isn't until recently where I would say God and christianity has taken over a big part of my life. I'm a God-fearing woman, but I am still working to have my actions reflect it. Like I said, it's a working progress lol. Nonetheless, I've really been noticing how God has been showing up in my life and it's crazy honestly. Last semester, I was praying to God that I would find people who were FOR ME. I felt like I was constantly in a space where I kept being in friendships where it really wasn't a fit. I kept experiencing lessons, and I was getting tired of it. I prayed that God would introduce me to people that are meant to be in my life and who are for me, and he delivered, like the next week, lol. ran into a bunch of black people in the elevator who had just came from bible study. My friends weren't interested, but I was, and I'm so glad that I joined. Honestly, it's been the best decision for me and has significantly contributed to my mental health. One of my favorite things about the church and God, is that he'll always find a way to deliver His message to you. You can try and fight it, and ignore it all you want, but it will find you. That's exactly what happened to me the first day I went to bible study. We were reading Ecclesiastes and some of the things that stood out to me was the emphasis on time and place. During my depressive episodes, it's so easy to feel like everything is happening to me, and honestly, I really think it do, lol. Everything just likes to attack all at one time and it's just test after test, and it's like the goal is make me feel worse about my journey. However, lately I've been taking a new perspective and reflecting on the things that I thought I wanted so bad, but am actually glad that they didn't work out. Keeping a list of things that I'm glad I didn't get and gratitude have been my go-to mood boosters. I don't force myself to do it everyday, but I do it when I remember. Focusing on the positive changes my outlook on negative things to be more positive as well. I was upset that I missed the HSC bus to the networking event, and that irritation didn't just dissipate, but I remembered everything happens for a reason. I wasn't meant to get on that bus that day and that's okay. I still had a means to go and there are worse things in the world. I was upset and trying to speed, but then I stopped and realized that 10 minutes late is better than ending up in a hospital bed. I still relapsed in my reaction during driving, but the road is an area that will require long-term improvement, lol. Anyway, I say this to say it's crazy how God has contributed to my life. He's always been there, acting and making moves, but it's nice how to see how much I notice it. I hear him talking to me every time I go to bible study, and he talked to me when I went to church as well. I want to start going more regularly, and I am so grateful for all the people I have met. They don't know how much they've poured into me and have helped me. It's really the little things that make all the difference. I want my friend's to find this too. I want to encourage them to come to bible study because it really has helped me, and I want the same for them. I know everyone has their own paths, but I pray that God leads them and provides them guidance as well. It's so easy to get caught up in all the negatives and all the responsibilities that you have, but the nicest part has been having someone to give those responsibilities to. I no longer have to hold onto the burden on feeling depressed or feeling alone or being overwhelmed about the future because I can give all those worries to God. All I have to do is slow down, take time, and have faith. I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude I can't thank God enough for how he has changed my life.
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